
            - M  E  R  R  Y    C  H  R  I  S  T  M  A  S -


     DEAR CHILDREN:

     I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU VERY CLOSELY
  TO SEE IF YOU HAVE BEEN GOOD THIS YEAR,
  AND SINCE YOU HAVE, I WILL BE TELLING MY ELVES
  TO MAKE SOME GOODIES FOR ME TO LEAVE UNDER
  YOUR TREE AT CHRISTMAS.

     I WAS GOING TO BRING YOU ALL THE GIFTS FROM "THE TWELVE
  DAYS OF CHRISTMAS", BUT WE HAVE HAD A LITTLE PROBLEM UP HERE.
  THE TWELVE FIDDLERS FIDDLING HAVE ALL COME DOWN WITH V.D. FROM
  FIDDLING WITH THE TEN LADIES DANCING.
  THE ELEVEN LORDS A LEAPING HAVE KNOCKED UP THE EIGHT MAIDS A MILKING,
  AND THE NINE PIPERS PLAYING HAVE BEEN ARRESTED FOR DOING
  WEIRD THINGS WITH THE SEVEN SWANS A SWIMMING: AND THE
  SIX GEESE A LAYING, FOUR CALLING BIRDS, THREE FRENCH HENS,
  TWO TURTLE DOVES, AND THE PARTRIGE IN A PEAR TREE
  HAVE ME UP TO MY A-2 IN BIRD S---!!

     ON TOP OF ALL THAT, MRS. CLAUS IS GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE,
  EIGHT OF MY REINDEER ARE IN HEAT,
  THE ELVES HAVE JOINED THE GAY LIBERATION,
  AND THE DUMB A-- POLOCKS HAVE SCHEDULED CHRISTMAS IN POLAND
  FOR THE 5TH OF FEBRUARY.

                              SINCERELY,

                              S. CLAUS



     AUTHOR - UNKNOWN

